Exactly one month after my 15th birthday, I was
surprised when my uncle picked me from school.
I was told during the ride home that my mother was sick but I did not
suspect anything. After all, she had
cooked breakfast and teased me about being in a hurry to get to school to show
the new clothes that she had got for my birthday. Only if I had known that would be the last I
will ever see her, I would have clung to her till the end, said a proper
goodbye and apologized for ever having hurt her.
When I reached home, my father was crying and told me that
my mom had died. As I did not react, my
brother screamed and tried to convey the loss to me. Later I learned that my mom died at the hospital. I knew that she had gone with my dad to see
her cardiologist for a check-up; who then told my parents that she was having a
heart attack and admitted her in the hospital. Within an hour she was dead. It was a shock for all of us but it is I who did
not realize the impact it would have on my life. I believed my cousins who promised to spend
more time at home and take care of us. And I thought life will remain the same.
My mother was an excellent cook. Although she was a vegetarian, she cooked delicious
meat curries. My favorite was her mutton curry; fenugreek seed gravy with sugar
mixed in it; and her delicious caramel pudding.
My mother loved her family, friends and neighbors. In the 1970’s, it was very rare for Sri
Lankan men and women to show affection in public. But my parents did, they held hands on the
street! She was very good with our
neighbors, often escorting them to the doctors so that she could speak and get
them the best medical care. She loved
company and to entertain. As a loving wife, she will often put my dad to sleep
at night, and then come out and spent more time with family who were staying
overnight at our home.
My home ceased to be a “home” after she died and my life
changed in unimaginable ways. I grew up
quickly, from a shy kid who hid behind her saree to a kid who left home at 17 years
to continue studies in India. I left
behind my dad, my brother and the house where I had grown up. When I came back
as a 21 year old, the house had been destroyed in the communal riots, my father
was dead and my brother had left the country.
That was the first time, I really felt miserable and felt a void in my life that I could not fathom. But others understood. My friends in India wrote to me every week for 3 years, providing encouragement and support when I was studying in the United Kingdom. My brother and my relatives took care of me in the United Kingdom. When I returned to Sri Lanka, I found my spouse and then on-wards, I have had someone for me. Our son was born in 1989 and a new chapter has been opened.
I doubt JFK Jr, would have fully comprehended the loss of his father when this iconic picture was taken. Similarly, I understood the full loss and the pain of my mother’s passing only later in my life. Forty five years have passed and the pain is slowly healing. Many people may remember my mom for the good things she did. When I visited my house after it was looted and burnt, more than five years after her death, I was able to retrieve a photo of hers, kept it in a corner by someone who had looted our house, covered by a glass and protected from adverse weather conditions. But my memory of my mother will always be for her love and affection, which will always be with me where ever she is. I now have my mother's love and good memories; and other people who love me in my life. It happened over time.
I doubt JFK Jr, would have fully comprehended the loss of his father when this iconic picture was taken. Similarly, I understood the full loss and the pain of my mother’s passing only later in my life. Forty five years have passed and the pain is slowly healing. Many people may remember my mom for the good things she did. When I visited my house after it was looted and burnt, more than five years after her death, I was able to retrieve a photo of hers, kept it in a corner by someone who had looted our house, covered by a glass and protected from adverse weather conditions. But my memory of my mother will always be for her love and affection, which will always be with me where ever she is. I now have my mother's love and good memories; and other people who love me in my life. It happened over time.
QUESTION: The death of a parent is hard, how can I cope when it happens?
MY EXPERIENCE:
- It was harder than I ever imagined. I fully understood the loss only over time. Be prepared to have a hard time, on and off, for a few years.
- Death happens. We will all lose our parents, family and friends. It will hurt but the pain will heal slowly.
- Memories stay forever. Choose to create positive memories with people who you love. Travel, spend time together, have fun.
- Always remember that the time you spend with someone could be the last. Choose to express your love and say proper goodbyes when you separate.
- Always remember, your parents will always love you where ever they are. I will always love my son, unconditionally. Always.
Comments
Post a Comment